The Ex-factor

Oscar Wilde was twenty years younger than the great artist James Whistler with whom Wilde was awed. Both travelled in the same aristocratic circles and had become fast friends despite their differences. Whistler was an elitist and had a strong personality. Wilde was a populist and milder in his manner. Eventually, Whistler tired of Wilde and in a public lecture obliquely ridiculed Wilde implying that he was a dilettante. Wilde didn’t take this lying down, and so their verbal sparring continued until, it is said, Wilde had the last word when he based the character of a murdered artist in... Read More

Andaz Apna Apna (To Each His Own)

Female clients in psychotherapy have shared with me these insecurities related to sex:“I’ve never had an orgasm. Am I normal?”“I seldom have orgasms during sex. Maybe it’s because I don’t love him?”“Sex is painful, but it’s my duty to my husband. I just close my eyes and wait until it’s over”“I don’t know how to masturbate. Besides, Isn’t it wrong?”“I feel guilty masturbating when I have a partner. Shouldn’t I be satisfied with him?“I’m not good in bed. Is it because I’m not pretty?”These personal insecurities reflect broader, societal views about sexual intimacy, and this is found in a wide... Read More

Love: It’s Rocket Science

Love and marriage, love and marriageGo together like a horse and carriageDad was told by motherYou can’t have one, you can´t have noneYou can’t have one without the other– Frank Sinatra No love, no marriage In the 1980’s, a group of researchers talked to a WHOLE lot of young people and asked them…Would you marry a person you weren’t “in love with,” but who had all the qualities you desired in a partner?Over 80% said : NO Honoré Fragonard – Les Progrès de l’amour : Le rendez-vous Happily never after Another group of researchers found couples who married for love and followed... Read More

Burn After Reading

“Neither of them can stand the person they’re married to. … Can’t stand them.” She looked at Myrtle and then at Tom. “What I say is, why go on living with them if they can’t stand them?” – The Great Gatsby What is infidelity? When a couple chooses to be emotionally and sexually exclusive to one another, a violation of this arrangement by one or both partners amounts to infidelity. This includes not just penile/vaginal intercourse, oral sex or anal sex but may also include a partner engaging in nonsexual behaviors such as sharing intimate feelings, thoughts and time in secrecy with an... Read More

Father of the Bride

“Silly Caucasian girl likes to play with Samurai swords”– O-Ren Ishii, from Kill Bill ISo what if N hit T last week? She must’ve done something to provoke him. I know T from birth. She has many flaws. She is not as innocent as she wants you to believe (Woh bhi koi doodh ki dhuli nahin hai). Besides, she has never earned a single penny in life. She doesn’t know what it means to live alone, let alone to live in a conservative Indian neighborhood where people will point fingers at her, ” said the concerned and loving father of... Read More

Sex and the City

Physics is like sex: Sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.  — Richard Feynman “I have a 2 year old, that constantly tugs at us and still wakes up twice every night. She sleeps in our bed. Anita and I work an 8 to 8 job. We’ve been together for 6 years. Her body looks like a battlefield. These celebrity billboards …set the bar high. We can count the number of times we have sex in a year. When we do, it feels like a learned motion. How the hell do I navigate... Read More